I wasn't there when it happened. I was out having a lovely time with Kathleen. Dad was there. Harry was there. Harry's girlfriend was there. I wasn't. I never got to say my goodbye. I never got to stroke her soft hands one last time. She was asleep, and then she was dead. Dead. It still sounds wrong when I say it. I feel like she's just snuck out to cause some mischief around town and she'll be back any time. But she won't. She's gone. Forever.
Dad was heartbroken, as you can imagine. It's the second wife he's lost. Harry was remarkably strong in my absence as he comforted Dad whilst devastated himself. His girlfriend was just leaving as I arrived. My face was a mess but the tears had stopped falling for a few minutes. Kathleen supported me as I walked into the house in a daze. Harry came to meet me and Kath took off with Joni.
"I'm sorry for your loss, Mr Rainfall, let Harry know I'll be there for him if he needs me." Joni mumbled. I couldn't reply, my brain wasn't functioning properly.
"The three of you need to be alone, I'll call round in the morning." Kathleen said. I know she offered Joni a lift home and that's pretty much all I remember of the rest of the evening. Harry and I collapsed on each other and we sobbed. At some point we went to find Dad. The next morning, we woke up, all together on top of Mum and Dads bed.
"I'm sorry for your loss, Mr Rainfall, let Harry know I'll be there for him if he needs me." Joni mumbled. I couldn't reply, my brain wasn't functioning properly.
"The three of you need to be alone, I'll call round in the morning." Kathleen said. I know she offered Joni a lift home and that's pretty much all I remember of the rest of the evening. Harry and I collapsed on each other and we sobbed. At some point we went to find Dad. The next morning, we woke up, all together on top of Mum and Dads bed.
Mums death was such a shock. She wasn't ill and she wasn't really all that old. None of us coped at all. The day after her death, we were all walking around like zombies. We were heartbroken, confused...empty. I tried my best to keep up some kind of normal routine. It was hard with Harry off school and Dad not focused on work but I did make food, and I cleaned the house. It was easier when I was focusing on something. I felt so lost the rest of the time.
Kathleen came round to check on us and she stayed a while with me. I was grateful to have someone so close. Neither Dad or Harry had any really close friends, Joni wasn't answering Harry's calls, so much for being there when he needed her. He went back to talking to imaginary friends. I can't say I blamed him, but it was sad to see. Dad didn't talk to anyone. He mostly slept or watched mindless TV.
Our house had progressed over the last couple of days, and there was one inhabitable room upstairs. Dad moved his bed and everything up there to be on his own. I wanted to comfort him, but I didn't know what to say. I bought us a new fridge to keep the leftovers in, in case anyone felt hungry anytime soon, and I put in in Dads old room with the rest of the kitchen stuff. It was after all built to be a kitchen one day.
It was there that Dad came to speak to me late that night, as I washed the dishes.
"I need to talk to you son. I've something I'd like to tell you, I hope you won't mind."
"Of course, Dad, whatever you need, just say the word and I'll listen."
"Before she went, your mother, she said to me, 'I've gotta go now, love, it's time for me to go cause trouble someplace else'. I was confused and it broke my heart to hear it, but I had time to say my final words to her. I always dreamed I'd be saying them on my death bed, looking up at her, but things don't always work out how you think. Do they son?"
"No Dad. No, they don't." I managed to say this but my voice broke a little and a tear escaped my eye. Dad continued, unaffected. I guessed his tears must be all run out.
"I'll tell you what I said to her, son. It made her smile when I said it. She died smiling, your mum, I want you to remember that."
It was then that I really lost it. Silent tears flowed from my eyes as I stared at Dads dark, glassy pools. Dad continued without emotion.
"I said to her these very words. 'You made me the happiest, proudest, most grateful man in the world. I'm glad I got so juiced and I'm glad you did too. otherwise, we'd never've met. Never've been thrown together. Remember that, Iona, wherever you end up. You made me the happiest man alive.'"
As Dad finished his story, my tears became full on sobs and I reached for Dad. His glacier façade was gone now. He too sobbed and we held each other, for I don't know how long.
"I need to talk to you son. I've something I'd like to tell you, I hope you won't mind."
"Of course, Dad, whatever you need, just say the word and I'll listen."
"Before she went, your mother, she said to me, 'I've gotta go now, love, it's time for me to go cause trouble someplace else'. I was confused and it broke my heart to hear it, but I had time to say my final words to her. I always dreamed I'd be saying them on my death bed, looking up at her, but things don't always work out how you think. Do they son?"
"No Dad. No, they don't." I managed to say this but my voice broke a little and a tear escaped my eye. Dad continued, unaffected. I guessed his tears must be all run out.
"I'll tell you what I said to her, son. It made her smile when I said it. She died smiling, your mum, I want you to remember that."
It was then that I really lost it. Silent tears flowed from my eyes as I stared at Dads dark, glassy pools. Dad continued without emotion.
"I said to her these very words. 'You made me the happiest, proudest, most grateful man in the world. I'm glad I got so juiced and I'm glad you did too. otherwise, we'd never've met. Never've been thrown together. Remember that, Iona, wherever you end up. You made me the happiest man alive.'"
As Dad finished his story, my tears became full on sobs and I reached for Dad. His glacier façade was gone now. He too sobbed and we held each other, for I don't know how long.